Miss Misery.. (indiekidstar) wrote in touchedwithfire,
Miss Misery..

Please criticize, Be as harsh as you want..

Im submitting a poem in a hurried fashion in the hope of receiving some mega-fast feedback. I was going to use this poem for a writing portfolio for one of my university applciations but Im not so sure. Constructive criticism would be very much appreciated. It is a simple poem because I don't believe in simply using multi-syllabic words solely for the purpose of creating an 'impressive' piece if language. This poem is pretty much about an old man who waits for death.

Last Leaves

One frail man sits alone in a dim-lit park
Admiring the scenic view of old age,
Behind a flick’ring street lamp the world is dark,
He closes his newspaper and scans the last page.

Winter has crept up and enveloped the place,
A pale sheet of frost shrouds what once was green,
The weathered erosion reflects on his face
And the old man still smiles, knowing what has been.

The creaks of the wooden bench now seem loud,
The air seems colder as the light-bulb fails,
The moon disappears behind a night cloud,
The man sits at ease as nature prevails.
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